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Your Joycean email style never fails to stimulate but you may want to throw in some commas and capitals for the guys upstairs.
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If you are reading this, you are not working. And I can see your eyes moving on the surveillance camera, so don't pretend you're doing something else.

As an experiment, let's see what happens if we don't start talking about lunch options at 9:30.

Congratulations! Your have been named "Most Likely to be Described in Print as 'Disgruntled.'" Don't forget who your friends are when you start shooting the place up.

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Your detailed and violently held opinions about various software applications, though too numerous to remember, are noted and respected.

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How do I tell my friend that she talks too much?

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