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Events :: Birthday :: "Low Impact Celebration"

While company policy unfortunately precludes the elaborate spanking ritual we had planned, happy birthday anyway.

Events :: Birthday :: "Mnemonic Possession"

Happy Birthday. You may still know the names of cool bands, but at your age it smacks of unnatural research.

Events :: Birthday :: "Watch Your Back"

Happy Birthday. I have adopted a mile of highway in your name. It is now being cleaned by inmates who won't forget it.

Events :: Birthday :: "Piercing > Cake"

Happy Birthday. We've hired an anthropologist to conduct a sampler of harrowing rite of passage rituals from around the world on you.

Events :: Birthday :: "One of These Birthdays"

Happy Birthday. This card is good for one week in either direction.

Events :: Birthday :: "Do Gooder's Bind"

Happy Birthday. I have adopted a whale in your name. To raise her, you'll need to purchase the tank yourself.

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