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Events :: College Admission :: "Life of the Mind"

I saw some professor from your school on tv last week. He seemed like a smug jerk. Hope you're learning lots.

Events :: Graduation :: "Bright Future"

Happy graduation! Don't let it shake you that your major has recently been downgraded from "marginally useful" to "utterly futile."

Events :: Birthday :: "Low Impact Celebration"

While company policy unfortunately precludes the elaborate spanking ritual we had planned, happy birthday anyway.

Events :: Engagement :: "Newleymeds"

Congratulations on finding someone whose DSM-IV profile so perfectly complements your own.

Events :: New Baby :: "Lie of the Beholder"

Your baby is adorable, even though when people say your baby is cute, you never know who's lying, but I'm really not.

Events :: Moving :: Moving in Together :: "Household Restructuring"

Congratulations on moving in together. Whatever you sacrifice in space, individuality, and privacy you'll pretty much save in rent and other economies of scale.

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