Just so you know :: Thinking of You :: "Thoughtful in Moderation"

Thinking of you. Not all the time, but you're in the rotation.

Events :: Birthday :: "Watch Your Back"

Happy Birthday. I have adopted a mile of highway in your name. It is now being cleaned by inmates who won't forget it.

Professional :: My dear Co-worker :: "Your card, My time"

If you are reading this, you are not working. And I can see your eyes moving on the surveillance camera, so don't pretend you're doing something else.

Ice Breakers :: Been a while :: "No Ulterior MSG"

Just wanted to see how you're doing. This is not a booty call.

Relationships :: Half Apologies :: "Love Hurts, By Design"

I only know how to torment you so effectively because we have such a special bond.

Just so you know :: Check It Out :: "Cool by Association"

Check out this cool site I found before you. You can show someone else and be cooler than them.

Events :: "Non-zero Sum Coolness"

I hate to relinquish any of my own cool by saying it, but hey, you are also cool.

Just so you know :: I Love You :: "The Iron Mean"

The percentage of time I love you now far exceeds the moments when I want to brain you with a skillet.

Events :: "Universal Adopter"

Happy Birthday. I have adopted a child in your name. He will be arriving shortly.

Events :: Birthday :: "Do Gooder's Bind"

Happy Birthday. I have adopted a whale in your name. To raise her, you'll need to purchase the tank yourself.

Events :: Birthday :: "Limited Impunity"

Happy Birthday. Today your crap will be tolerated.

Events :: Birthday :: "Mnemonic Possession"

Happy Birthday. You may still know the names of cool bands, but at your age it smacks of unnatural research.

Events :: Anniversary :: "Happy Anniversary"

Even though our relationship has no clear start date, Happy Anniversary.

Professional :: My dear Co-worker :: "Menu-mission"

As an experiment, let's see what happens if we don't start talking about lunch options at 9:30.

Just so you know :: Enough Already :: "Encyclopedia Simpsonica"

Your ability to find a Simpsons quote for every situation is very endearing. Someday, you might find the same enthusiasm for something I want to talk about.