Events :: Graduation :: "Horatio Alger Bitchslap"

Happy graduation! All of your hard work and sacrifice have given you a marginally better chance of finding a job you'll like enough to miss when it leaves.

Events :: Graduation :: "Free Market Degree"

Happy graduation. Those diplomas are going for plenty on ebay nowadays.

Events :: Graduation :: "Bright Future"

Happy graduation! Don't let it shake you that your major has recently been downgraded from "marginally useful" to "utterly futile."

Events :: Graduation :: "Background Protection Program"

Happy graduation. So, have you decided where to pretend you're from?

Events :: Graduation :: "Learning is History"

Happy Graduation. From now on, no ones cares if you learn anything.

Events :: Graduation :: "Idealism Dump"

Happy graduation. Please deposit your idealism in the spittoons located on either side of the stage.

Events :: Graduation :: "Declaration of Downward Mobility"

Happy Graduation. Time to make the donuts.

Events :: Graduation :: "Defection Suggestion"

Happy graduation. You know, there's an urban legend that student loans default once you spend 20 years out of the country.

Events :: Graduation :: "Nostalgia Vaccination"

Happy graduation. Run and don't look back.

Events :: Graduation :: "Graduation, Classic"

Happy graduation and welcome to the real world.

Events :: Graduation :: "Alma Mater's Teat"

Congratulations on graduating and for having the intrepid spirit to get a place 4 blocks from campus.

Events :: Graduation :: "Office Gossip Primer"

Happy graduation, see you in a few months at the water cooler.