Holidays :: Christmas :: "Jesus Saves so You Can Splurge"

Merry X-mas. How much would Jesus spend?

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Passing for Merry"

I admit to being a little annoyed when you wished me a Merry Christmas, but I'm happy you don't think I look Jewish, so we're cool.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Green Christmas"

Merry Christmas. For environmental reasons, this year Santa will be giving you a hunk of plastic instead of the usual coal.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "North Pole Trade Agreement"

Being unemployed doesn't exempt you from buying me toys.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Santa General's Warning"

Merry X-mas. Careful with that ham.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Consumer Ultimatum"

Merry Christmas. If you don't find me the perfect gift, I'm not sure we can stay friends.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Schindler's Invitation"

Merry Christmas. Please join me for the traditional Chinese food + matinee festivities.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "'Tis the Season, Even for You"

Even though your faith is questionable, Merry Christmas.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Fearing the God-fearing"

Your oppressed white Christian rage is understandable, and has cowed me into appreciation. Merry Christmas.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Jesus is my Loan Shark"

Merry Christmas. Credit card debt brings people together.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Snacktime Barter"

Merry Christmas. Trinkets for you, milk and cookies for the costumed fat guy.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Cash, a Classic Gift"

Merry Christmas. Just give me a gift certificate and let's be done with it.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "Rudolph the Early Adopter"

Merry Christmas. I prefer gifts that come with A/C adapters.

Holidays :: Christmas :: "X-masploitation"

Merry Christmas, from one seasonal laborer to another.